After seventeen years of observing American society through European eyes, I keep returning to the metaphor of a frog in slowly heating water. In Belgium, where I was raised, life revolved around leisurely café conversations and three-hour dinners at home with friends, our debates flowing as freely as food, wine and beer. Now, from this vantage point, I watch with growing concern as America’s social fabric slowly unravels.
The Death of Conversation
What first struck me upon moving here was the silence in public spaces. Not literal silence – Americans are quite loud – but the absence of genuine dialogue. In Belgian cafés, strangers debate philosophy and politics for hours. Here, people sit together yet remain apart, each lost in their private digital world. The art of conversation hasn’t died; it’s been replaced by something more insidious: the performance of connection without its substance.
Reality TV Nation
A cultural shift I’ve witnessed is how reality television has shaped actual reality. Behaviors that would have seemed outrageous a decade ago – public meltdowns, dramatic confrontations, extreme emotional displays – have become normalized. I watch as people unconsciously mirror the dramatic arcs of their favorite shows in real-life conflicts, as if reading from an invisible script.
The Selfie as Self
In Europe, we take photos to remember moments. Here, moments seem to exist solely to be photographed. I observe people at scenic spots, restaurants, positioning themselves for the perfect shot while missing the experience itself. The self has become something to be curated rather than lived, displayed rather than developed.
The Modification Mandate
The American relationship with physical appearance continues to baffle my European sensibilities. While we certainly care about looks in Belgium, here I witness something different: a perpetual dissatisfaction paired with an almost frantic drive to optimize every physical feature. Bodies aren’t inhabited; they’re managed like social media profiles, constantly updated and enhanced.
The Gaslighting Epidemic
Perhaps most disturbing is what I call America’s “reality crisis.” Where Europeans might engage in heated disagreement while acknowledging differing perspectives, American discourse has embraced reality manipulation as a standard tactic. I observe everyday conversations where people deny obvious truths, rewrite recent history, and invalidate others’ lived experiences – a phenomenon that’s become so common it’s almost unremarkable.
This gaslighting culture has seeped into every interaction. At a dinner party recently, I watched two friends argue about a shared experience from the previous week. One completely denied events that multiple people had witnessed. Rather than seeming shocking, this appeared to be a normal Tuesday evening for the group. The normalization of reality distortion has created a kind of collective vertigo.
Social Media Souls
In Europe, we use social media; here, social media seems to use people. I observe young parents interrupting tender moments to stage better versions for Instagram. Teenagers practicing facial expressions in public, rehearsing for TikTok. Joy isn’t felt but performed. Achievement isn’t experienced but displayed.
The Temperature Rises
The water continues to heat up in America’s cultural pot. The question isn’t whether it’s getting hotter – it’s whether enough people will notice in time to change course. As someone with one foot in European tradition and another in American reality, I hope sharing these observations might help at least a few frogs notice the bubbles forming around them.
For now, I maintain my European habits. Long lunches. Vigorous debates. Unrecorded moments of joy. In doing so, I hope to remind my American friends that another way of living isn’t just possible – it’s natural.
About the Author
Ilse Gevaert is a psychologist and coach with expertise in trauma, narcissistic and psychopathic abuse, resilience, neurodiversity (Autism and ADHD), and giftedness. Ilse continued her education at prestigious institutions such as Harvard and Cornell, where she obtained leadership certificates that have informed her practice.
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